My Divine Life

Highlands (Song of Ascent) O how high would I climb mountains If the mountains were where You hide O how far I’d scale the valleys If You graced the other side O how long have I chased rivers From lowly seas to where they rise Against the rush of grace descending From the source of its supply In the highlands and the heartache You’re neither more or less inclined I would search and stop at nothing You’re just not that hard to find So I will praise You on the mountain And I will praise You when the mountain’s in my way You’re the summit where my feet are So I will praise You in the valleys all the same No less God within the shadows No less faithful when the night leads me astray You’re the heaven where my heart is In the highlands and the heartache all the same O how far beneath Your glory Does Your kindness extend the path From where Your feet rest on the sunrise To where You sweep the sinner’s past O how fast would You come running If just to shadow me through the night Trace my step...

This week (July 2nd) marks 2 years since I was admitted to the hospital by ambulance and found out I was basically dying (it took me awhile to come to terms with that sentence...) by the time I was released the end of the week I had a diagnoses of Crohn’s disease.  Thankfully I was familiar Since I have a friend who’s had it over 20 years and one of my best friends has UC (not thankful they go through it though❤️). In a way I felt relieved and free because after 7+ years of sickness I FINALLY had a reason why I’ve been feeling so terrible for so long.  So July 2nd in a way is almost like a new birthday to me, of course, many of you that know me know I love extending my birthday festivities, so why not😉.  This is a different kind of birthday though, I know it’s only the second one but each year leading up to it I am filled with anxiety, fear, frustration, but also in a small way still that relief and freedom I felt 2 years ago.  To be perfectly honest I’m not where I...

Lifish update I’ll do a full “anniversary post” in July but I’ve just had a lot of thoughts lately about life, crohns, everything. To be honest I’ve had a lot of confusion and even discouragement which is not normally me. I’m coming up on two years and while I’m no where near how I was two years ago (I mean that was pretty bad...😳) I’m also nowhere near where I thought I would be, I remember thinking that on the year anniversary too and I kind of think that feeling has just progressed since then😕. I’m no better than I was 8 months ago to be completely honest with you and in some ways may or worse? I am so so thankful to have a diagnosis and know what’s wrong with me, but with that I thought would come answers and healing. I’ve had some answers and some healing of course, but there’s still really a lot of unknown! In the beginning I used to talk about finding my “new normal” well I’m here to tell you 2 years later I still haven’t found it😂. Learning to navigate something new ...

I had an epiphany today, I always start my day with music or a podcast (if you haven’t listened to Jocko, do it now!).  Today I decided to switch it up and listen to praise music and oh my goodness it makes such a difference on your outlook (I already knew this, but clearly I forgot🤷‍♀️).  I’ll be honest, I’ve been living in fear. I mean, haven’t we all? But for someone with an autoimmune disease or someone close to them it’s a very scary time! And I’ve been letting that consume me and in turn it takes a toll on my health (stress/anxiety is a trigger for Crohns flares, even though I’m already in one, it makes it worse).  Well like I said, I had an epiphany...I have lived through a life and death situation and I wasn’t scared then, ok I was a little...but nothing like now and at that time I truly was facing death,  And in the midst of fear And the unknown I had faith.  Not just paranoid about getting sick, And I realized, I’m not trusting God, which honestl...

Fresh cut and color 💜💜 Here’s being real with y’all...in this picture I look happy, normal, and healthy.  What you don’t see is that I’m in a crohn’s flare, I slept most of the 24 hour day yesterday and am still exhausted.  You don’t see the stomach pains, the nausea and stomach issues, the fevers and chills and so many more symptoms. You don’t see that today I had to be put on another round of steroids because the two rounds of infusions haven’t been enough yet to put me in remission.  I’m not posting this to get sympathy or attention. It’s to remind you that just because someone looks “normal” that has an autoimmune disease doesn’t mean they are, 9 times out of 10 if you ask We’ll tell you we feel great because that’s so much easier than telling the truth. I posted this to my Facebook and Instagram, I totally believe in pampering yourself. I  didn't  feel like driving to get my hair done but I felt so much better afterwards and am so glad I...

To begin lets backtrack a few years.... This journey started 7 years ago, My husband and I had been at the state fair a few days and of course had eaten all of the delicious fair food...then I started having stomach issues immediately. I originally thought I just got food poisoning or a stomach bug and that it would go away, and then it didn’t... After quite a few months and researching we thought maybe I had developed a Gluten intolerance so I changed my whole diet and was Gluten free for an entire year and even Dairy free part of that time, and yet again nothing changed, I didn’t get any better and in fact I just seemed to get worse. As time went on it wasn’t only stomach issues, I would get terribly sick, almost flu like symptoms and get so cold there was nothing I could do to warm up and after every one of these episodes it would take at least a day for me to recuperate and I would be stuck in bed or on the couch too weak and exhausted to do anything. After some more t...