I’ve been struggling with this for many many years, long before I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease July of 2018.
I have missed numerous events whether they be with friends, family, or just something Joe and I had planned, big or small I’ve missed everything.
Weddings, birthdays, hangout times, family dinners, etc.
Some people were very understanding and others not so much.
Even close family didn’t understand, they just thought I’d get myself worked up, make myself sick, and then back out of whatever event I was supposed to be involved in, and I know a lot got frustrated with me.
I haven’t been a good friend over the last 7-8 years and I honestly have no problem admitting that because it’s the absolute truth.
At the time I really didn’t understand why, sometimes I was tired, didn’t feel good, or honestly just scared of going out and doing things in fear of getting sick or even getting so tired that I wouldn’t be able to do anything the next day or whatever.
I didn’t pursue friendships I’ve had for years or even newer friendships, I know people think I just didn’t care and honestly I even wondered that myself because again, I didn’t understand why.
Let’s fast forward to now, it’s been a little over a year since my diagnosis and I understand so much more now. I’m gradually doing better going out and doing things but I’m still not in remission, and honestly even when I am in remission I still have to be careful how active I am.
Even though I’ve been able to a lot more now that I’m slowly getting better, there is still so much I can’t do. I still have to cancel things at the last minute and I always feel so terrible, and you know what makes me feel even more terrible?? When a “friend” or even family member makes me feel even worse about it.
Joe and even friends who also have an autoimmune disease and struggle the same as me are always telling me I need to not worry about what others think, and always take care of myself first. I know that, Joe has told me soo many times but it doesn’t make it any easier for me, I hate letting people down or disappointing them. I often times will agree to something knowing that I shouldn’t and end up canceling yet again because it’s just to much for me.
You know what makes someone who has to cancel plans even worse?? When you make them feel terrible about it, whether you mean to or not, whether you’re a good, caring person or not, whether you meant to hurt me or not, that all aside, if you’re not understanding of the situation...
For so many years I let it get to me and even recently, I let it get to me. I have friends and family that I don’t see or talk to very often, I have friends and family that I’ve had to cancel plans on, and you know what helps soo much?? When they’re understanding, when they say even before we make plans, “if you need to cancel, I understand!” That makes me feel so good about the situation and so so thankful for such good friends.
I have a lot more people that are understanding now that they know I’m sick, but there’s still some that aren’t and that really sucks.
So to finish this out, I think I’ve FINALLY (well, maybe finally🤷♀️) Come to the realization, even though I know...many people have been telling me for quite awhile now, to put MYSELF first, that may sound selfish, but I really don’t care anymore.
Just know, I’ve forgiven you and let it go, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt, because like I said, I hate letting people down or disappointing them...But if you can’t be understanding and supportive of my situation, at this point in my life, I’m going to do what’s best for me and not subject myself to these situations and worry about myself first, because it’s about time I finally do that and it’s such a key roll in my healing process.
Let me tell you, it’s a process! Every single week no matter what it may be, I struggle with “overdoing it” I’m always telling Joe “ok, I’ve realized I need to space things out, or not do that” but I’m slowly getting better at realizing how much I can take on.
To better help you understand. As I’m writing this, I’ve left the house twice this week, in fact most of the week I’ve barely left the couch, because I finally took the break I’ve been needing for a very long time and just let myself rest, minimal cleaning, minimal cooking, minimal blog work, just letting myself rest, and SLEEP and it has been so amazing, even though I feel like I need another week or two of it to recover😳.
We very rarely go out and do things, if I do, it’s almost always with Joe because honestly driving myself places is exhausting, the driving, the being on guard driving in Des Moines😬, all of it is just exhausting, the thought of driving to my parents which is only 10-15 minutes of exhausting, the thought of even going to the grocery store is exhausting, I often regret when I go do things because I usually pay for them later. So those of you that think I’m just being a “bad friend” I hope you realize, it’s nothing against you, and those of you that understand, thank you so much!
Whether you have an autoimmune disease or not, take a break, cancel plans, take a moment just for yourself and REST. When I was still doing hair, it was literally exhausting just listening to the non stop on the go so many of my clients were doing (of course, now I know why it was exhausting for me😉) so I know whether you’re sick or not. To be the best self you can be, take a moment for yourself❤️❤️❤️.
I attached a few quotes I’ve saved that really resonate with how I've been feeling...
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