"Balance comes in the moments you stand up for the life you truly want by making the choices that align with that life"
I’ve been seeing a lot of things about this around social media lately and it certainly is needed!
What does finding balance look like for you? I think it’s going to look different for every person but is absolutely achievable (ok mostly).
For me, like most of us, I’ve never had it before. I never even knew I needed it until I got sick.
I was constantly on the go, constantly doing things and I don’t remember much down time. Don’t get me wrong, I would sit and watch plenty of movies and things like that but in the big picture, there was no self care, and that is so so important for all of us.
Self care just like balance can look different for all of us, for some it could just giving yourself grace to let the laundry or that to do list sit go and watch a favorite show, for others it could be getting your hair done, a mani/pedi, going out to lunch with a friend, so many things.
Are you practicing self care? You should be, because that goes right back to finding balance! You can’t help the people around you until you’ve helped yourself.
Ok now say that for me a few times and let it sink in.
You’re not going to be able to give it your “all” in whatever situation unless you’re rested and have taken care of yourself first.
If you haven’t read the Magnolia Journal by Chip and Joanna Gains you need to! We could learn a lot from them😉. I need to start reading it again and I’m sure I’ll find something else that will stick with me too but ever since I read it the thing that has stuck with me most is Joanna talking about giving it her all. Basically whatever she is doing at that moment she is giving it 100%. If she’s working, she’s not on her phone, computer, etc. scrolling social media, texting a friend, worried about what task she needs to do at home later, just focusing on work. If she’s at home she talked about leaving her phone in her car (as a former US Cellular employee I really ask that you don’t do that...😂 but for real, so bad for your phone) and focusing on her family as soon as she steps through that door, she’s not worried about work or anything else, but just being intentional with her time and focusing on the people and the task at front of her.
Over time I keep coming back to this time and time again. Social media can be a great thing! I love it because it has helped my best friends and I that are scattered in other states stay in better communication BUT it can also hurt in so many ways, instead of putting your phone away, you’re distracted by it when you should be getting a task done whatever that may be, instead of focusing on the person you’re having dinner with or your children playing, you’re staring at your phone screen and not being present.
It’s a daily struggle don’t get me wrong, and everyone needs that down time to just veg out and stare at their phone for a few minutes. But Joe and I have been focusing on being intentional with our time, when we go out to dinner, the phones don’t come out, that is time for us to focus on each other, when we’re sitting at home watching a movie sometimes they’re out (because balance) but other times we say ok we’re having “movie night” or whatever and they stay put away.
Man, I’m telling it you, it feels SO great when we do this is!
Since doing that, I find myself scrolling mindlessly through Facebook a lot less, I’m not worried about what I’m missing or what everyone else is doing and focusing/enjoying what’s around me instead.
I’m implementing a “no phone” rule at Thanksgiving this year, my moms fine with it because she never got “hooked” on her phone like the rest of us have and I envy her for that! But whether other people are exciting (or less excited) about it, I’m looking forward to it because we’ll have quality family time together.
Ok now to switch gears, let’s talk about our friends. A girlfriend of mine and I were talking awhile back and she said something that really stuck with me, she said I finally had to tell myself “is this friendship helping me or hurting me” and oh my gosh what a good analogy!
I realize, there are those friendships where it may not be helping you but that person needs you there for them and to help them. But overall, looking at the people in your life and saying “is this helping or hurting me” is big, for her it was just a lot of negativity and realized it just wasn’t worth it, for some it could mean negativity, maybe a bad influence, family or friends that just cause too much stress.
For some reason we’ve made ourselves believe we have to keep going on with these relationships, but why?? Because we’d feel guilty letting it go?
I guarantee you, if you decide that person is “hurting” you, and walk away, you’ll feel SO much better in the end, you may feel guilt in the beginning because you’re “letting someone down” but after the initial guilt wears off, you’re going to feel such a weight lifted off your shoulders, and it feels amazing.
Again, I’m not saying walk away from every situation, there’s ones you can’t, but for those, find the problem and try to remedy it, or at least distance yourself from that person if you can’t cut them out.
Because in the end, this is about balance, this is about doing what’s best for YOU I realize that sounds so selfish, and I thought that too, but you know what? Sometimes in life it’s OK to be selfish! It’s OK to walk away from that situation that’s hurting you! Society has taught us its not. You have to do everything and be friends with everyone but guess what, you don’t. and when you finally make that decision, you’re on your way to a much more balanced and relaxed life.
For me, it’s been a little of all of these really. I’ve been sick for 8 years (not knowing why for 7!) so I struggled with this soo much. I would say yes to everything and everyone and then cancel at the last minute, I didn’t want to disappoint people so I’d say yes, and then be too sick, have to cancel, and in the end, end up disappointing them even more than if I would have just said no in the first place.
It’s hard and I have to work at it everyday, but I’m learning that it’s ok to say no, it’s ok to say no to new friendships because you really don’t have the space to add one more, it’s ok saying no to going out with friends when you’re being pressured because you know you really just need to stay home and relax, it’s ok saying no to a work task (ok I know obviously you have to work) but maybe it’s saying no to taking on extra or to much because guess what happens when you do that, you give them only 50% or 75% when you should be giving only the one task 100%, that goes right back to focusing on the task in front of you too! Let’s say you have 5 projects going at work, you can’t be worried about all 5 at once because you’re not going to be able to do your best work, if you just focus on one thing at a time and give it 100% the outcome and reward is going to be so much better.
Ok I realized I went off on a rabbit trail there but back to what I was saying...
To keep it simple, it’s ok to say NO! If you’re not feeling it, say no. You’re body knows what’s best for you and you need to listen to it.
I still feel like I let a lot of people down, I’m not that great of a friend and I’ve finally learned (ok I’m still learning) that it’s ok! Because if you stop, and just focus on you and your well being for a minute, in the end, you’ll be a better friend (it all goes back to that self care thing).
I’m learning to take a step back before I just immediately say yes to something, sometimes I just explain to the person that I need to think about it and make sure I can handle it, or I need to look at my calendar better and see that yes at a glance I don’t have anything that day but I do the day before and after...and for me I know that means I need to say no and rest that day in between (well and those other days too🤷♀️). Or just saying no all together, when I do that, in the moment I feel terrible, but in the long run I feel so much better, and I may have let that person down a little, but a lot less than canceling.
I absolutely struggle with doing to much (don’t we all?) for me, I tend to use up all of my spoons (have you heard of the spoon theory? If not google it, it will give you a great understanding of those of us living with an autoimmune disease) so I’m learning that it’s ok if my to do list doesn’t get done all the time.
ahh I love to get all those boxes checked off that I’ve finished them😩 so this is hard. And I may not feel to tired doing that last task at the moment, but I’m learning I realize it two hours later when it’s to late, I should have stopped three task ago. So I’ve started setting myself smaller goals each day so I don’t feel overwhelmed.
Something else I read somewhere about time management is set a timer and focus on that one task for 20, 30, or 60 minutes. When that timer starts you focus on only that one thing and when the timer goes off, you’re done no matter where you’re at in the project (I realize sometimes that’s not possible, but you know what I mean), I tend to feel very overwhelmed and that’s not good for my health so if there’s something like a pile of clean laundry that needs folded and put away, I set my timer for a certain amount of time knowing I can quit when it goes off and 9 times out of 10 I’ve got it finished by the time my times up!
This Holiday season my goal is to be more present in every moment, like with the no phone rule at Thanksgiving.
We love to do a 25 Days of Christmas activity list, we're busy (And by we I mean Joe, unless you consider cuddling the dogs all day everyday being busy😂 but for me, I can only do so much) so this doesn't happen every day but it helps so much doing those things during the Christmas season we all say we want to do but don't plan therefore we don't do...
We're not perfect at it and just like everyone else, its a daily struggle and takes making a conscious effort to not focus on our phone, work, household chores, worries, etc. and just focus on the fun!
So I guess all in all to put it simply after I just wrote this book of a post....🤷♀️.
Take a step back and look at things from the big picture, what areas are causing you stress, anxiety, of feeling overwhelmed?
Write them down if that helps and find away to lessen those feelings.
Say no, it’s OK.
Give yourself GRACE, especially this time of the year.
Do some self care
Do something that brings you joy.
Cut back on all of the yeses.
Stop over planning, worrying about what everyone else is doing (you know, social media and stuff), trying to keep up with the Joneses and anything else that helps you find your balance.
If you only take one thing from this and I hope you do, I believe it will help you and your well being so much.
Even just focusing on one of these areas at a time, get one thing down and move onto the next.
What’s something that you do to find balance and self care?
There’s soo much more I could say on this subject, but I tend to be long winded, so I’ll save that for another time😉.
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